I've been going through this whole "reinventing myself" thing for about 14 months now. I've realized that on Facebook, which is my social media outlet of choice, I basically talk about my cat and crafting. So for months now I've been thinking, what must people think of me? Thirty-something, divorced, main companion is a cat, has old lady hobbies... I know, the next question should be "why do I care what people think?" Well let's face it, we are social creatures and we all care what other people think, even if we say we don't. So in my head, people are pitying this pathetic, divorced cat lady. (Did I mention divorced? It seems to be a theme of my self-consciousness.)
I've always been a creative person in one way or another.. It's just that for many years I didn't allow myself the time to devote to my hobbies. I felt like that would be selfish, although in hindsight I see that wouldn't have been true. So I'm really enjoying being creative now through my crafting... I had the best time decorating my apartment, I love that I'm learning to sew, and this whole "upcycling" movement is right up my alley! But then there is the nagging voice in my head saying that it's lame and it's boring, and I think I must be portraying my Facebook-self as lame and boring.
And what hasn't helped over these 14 months are the comments people say that reinforce my own negative stereotypes about myself. "You should talk to a therapist about your crafting obsession," "You've turned into an old woman," and "You need to get out more," to name a few. It's sad because the things I've used as a creative outlet to get through a difficult time are also making me self-conscious! I mean, seriously - throughout the most difficult time in my life I didn't turn to drinking, or any type of smoking, or overuse of antidepressants - I didn't even gain back all that weight I lost! (Ok, I gained a small percentage but that was just over the holidays...) My drug of choice was creating things and making things beautiful! So why am I self-conscious about it?
I've heard too many times that the things I like to do are boring. That's what really sticks with me. I'm boring, and who wants to hang out with people who are boring? Hence I keep to myself more, and it's a nasty cycle.
However - then there are little things that other people say that have a huge, positive impact. People have sent me personal messages to tell me I am inspirational. Can you imagine? People have told me they admire my creativity. People actually purchase things I make. Someone told me I am one of their favorite people to follow on facebook, and one of the only ones he hasn't "hidden." People come up to me at work and tell me they look forward to seeing what crafts I post, and they check their newsfeeds every night to see if I add anything new. Fellow cat-lovers reach out to me online and in person to say how much they enjoy my commentary about Lily, and the pictures and videos I post of her. (She's developed quite a following!) And my favorite thing that has been happening recently is when people share pictures or ideas for crafts on my wall, or in private messages, and say how they saw it and thought of me.
So a big thank you goes out to the people who have made such a positive impact in my life through these comments or actions to which you may not have given a second thought.
And as for my stereotypes, I think I need to work on redefining these labels I insist on giving myself.
